If There's A Prize For Rotten Judgment
by Tjix
Summary: Raven struggles with her emotions when she discovers that she likes a fellow Titan more than she thought.
1. Lullaby of Love

(((Dedication: Dedicated to Agent of the Divine One—extending this story was a pretty good idea, and it was his.

Summary:

It's been a long time since Raven first met Beast Boy, and a lot has changed since then—for both of them. Can Raven accept these changes when her emotions are at war?

Disclaimer: I own my depictions of Kindness and Jealousy, but nothing else.

Info: This is a pure Teen Titans strain and a Raven/Beast Boy romance. The first chapter is based on the song _Won't Say I'm in Love_ from Disney's "Hercules". If the lines are in Italic font, it means they're actual song lyrics; inside slashes (//\\) are words of the Muses (in this case, Raven's emotions). Otherwise, Meg (Raven) is the one singing. I might have gotten some of the song lyrics wrong, and as you can see, I skipped some of the parts that I didn't know.

Author notes: This used to be a one-shot songfic, but at the request of Agent of the Divine One, I extended it (and about Agent—he's got this totally cool Teen Titans story going, if you wanted to see it). It's still not very long—only 3 chapters. Another thing: I'm confused about Raven's emotions. Every fanfic I read seems to have information that differs from my original information. I also made up a couple of the emotions in this story. So, the whole emotions thing is sort of screwy in my story.

ONE LAST THING! If your review got deleted while I was updating this story, SORRY!!!)))

**I'm Not in Love!**

**By: Tjix**

**Chapter One: Lullaby of Love**

Raven lay in bed, tossing and turning. Her emotions were in turmoil, causing her powers to fluctuate and lash out randomly.

The cause was Beast Boy. When Raven first met him, she'd thought she wouldn't even be able to stand working with him for a short time. Soon after, she had changed her mind and decided to tolerate him. Then she'd grown rather fond of him. It was only recently that she'd realized how devastated she would be if anything happened to him.

Raven turned restlessly on her side, twisting the sheets into an even worse mess. This was ridiculous. People came and went. Caring too deeply for _anyone_ was bad news. No matter who. No one could be there forever.

_If there's a prize for rotten judgment…_

Raven snorted. Malchior? _Beast Boy_? Her judgment was rotten, alright.

_I guess I've already won that._

Bad luck in love. Oldest story in the book, and yet Raven had _still_ gotten into the "Bad Luck in Love" Hall of Fame.

_No man is worth the aggravation…_

Not that either of them were men. One was a draconic sorcerer, and the other was a mutant boy…

_It's ancient history. Been there! Done that!_

_//Who d'ya think you're kidding? He's the earth and heaven to you. Try to keep it hidden, honey, we can see right through you…__\\_

_Oh, no, no. No chance! No way! I won't say it, no, no._

_//You swoon, you sigh. Why deny it, oh-oh?__\\_

_It's too cliché. I won't say I'm in love._

Never.

_I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out. My head is screaming, 'Get a grip, girl! Unless you're dying to cry your heart out!' Oh no…_

_//Baby, we're not buyin'…\\_

_oh, no…_

_//You got, got, got it bad!__\\_

_No! No chance, no way. I won't say it, no, no!_

_//Give up, give in. Check the print, you're in love.__\\_

_This scene won't play. I won't say I'm in love! You're way off base, I won't say it. Get off my case, I won't say it!_

_//Girl, don't be proud! It's okay you're in love.\\_

_Ohhh…_

"It's not possible," Raven whispered. "It just can't be…"

"Raven?" Beast Boy was standing in the door, rubbing bleary eyes. "Are you okay? I can feel your power all the way from my room. Something's gotta be bothering you if your power's so… rampant."

Raven stared at him. _Why_ couldn't he have stayed in bed? A simple question of friendly concern had broken right through the barriers she had so painstakingly erected around her heart.

"Raven?"

Raven sighed. "I'm fine, Beast Boy. Go back to bed."

Beast Boy stared at her for a moment, puzzled, then shrugged. "Okay. If you want to talk…" He shrugged again and shut the door.

Raven smiled sadly.

…_at least out loud… I won't say I'm in love._

_//Shalalalalala… ahhhh.\\\_


	2. Emotional Conference

**Chapter Two: Emotional Conference**

The next morning, Raven got up as early as usual. She didn't expect anyone to be up; everyone else liked to sleep late when they could, because they were often woken in the middle of the night or early in the morning to fight evil. Therefore, she was surprised to find Beast Boy in the kitchen making two cups of tea.

Beast Boy glanced up when he heard her enter the kitchen. Seeing her, he blushed. He pointed at the cups with an embarrassed grin. "You seemed a little weird last night. I thought some tea would make you feel better. Then I decided, what the heck, I'll try it."

Bringing her surprise under control, Raven quipped, "Just remember not to overload on the sugar."

Beast Boy ducked his head, blushing harder. "Actually, I figured I could start with lots of sugar and maybe work my way down."

Raven rolled her eyes. That was Beast Boy.

"So. You made tea for me."

"Yeah." He wouldn't look at her.

"Thanks."

He glanced up, startled. She looked squarely at him with those piercing amethyst eyes.

"It was nice of you." Raven placed her hands around the mug, the warmth warding off the early morning chill. Beast Boy lowered his eyes again and sipped his own tea. He made a face.

"Not to your taste?"

"It's not that, it's just really—really—_hot_!"

"Well, what did you expect?"

"I _didn't_ expect it to set fire to my teeth!"

Raven had to smile, but she hid it behind her tea mug as she took a sip. Studying Beast Boy across the table, she noticed that he seemed slightly nervous. He was staring into his tea mug as though trying to find the meaning of life in the amber liquid.

She had to face her feelings about him. She knew she liked him. A lot. She wasn't sure it was love, but if she allowed it to develop any more, it might _become_ love. She had to guard herself. She couldn't love Beast Boy. For his sake and her own.

Someday he would find a nice girl, one who wouldn't betray him like Terra. One that wasn't scarred like Raven. He would marry her and have children with her and live happily ever after.

And Raven was destined to live out her life alone.

She shook her head, reminding herself that she wasn't alone. She had a whole team of great friends.

Nevertheless…

She shook her head again.

Beast Boy noticed the motion. "What's up?"

"Nothing." Raven took another sip of her tea.

"Raven, seriously."

"Beast Boy, I am always serious."

He had no retort for that. It was true.

They both sat there drinking their tea—Beast Boy occasionally making funny faces as the tea burned his tongue—in silence. Raven carefully kept her eyes on her tea. She had to guard herself, and doing so would be harder if she was looking at him.

Beast Boy kept staring at her. He was worried about her. She'd been a little… off… lately.

"Are you sick?"

The question was so abrupt, Beast Boy didn't even notice he was saying something until it was already out of his mouth.

Raven glanced up and looked back down just as quickly. _Just lovesick,_ she thought, and immediately dismissed the thought. Aloud she said, "No, I'm not sick."

"Then what's wrong?"

She frowned and tried to put him off by being rude. "_Nothing's _wrong. I'm _fine_. Now I'd _like_ to drink my _tea_, _if_ you please."

Beast Boy looked back down at his mug and didn't reply.

She felt guilty for being rude, but she couldn't have him prying. _It's for his own good,_ she reminded herself. _Not that that's an excuse, I suppose…_

Robin entered the kitchen, yawning. He nodded at Raven and paused, puzzled, when he saw Beast Boy. "BB, you're up early. You're not usually up 'til I've got breakfast going strong."

"Um," was Beast Boy's only reply.

Robin shrugged and headed for the stove to make eggs. Beast Boy downed his tea as quickly as possible and dumped his dishes in the sink, then got to work making his own tofu breakfast.

The three were soon joined by Starfire and Cyborg, who made their own specialized breakfasts (Cyborg's was waffles drowned in syrup, and Starfire's some alien glop smothered in mustard). Raven finished her tea, washed her cup, and left the kitchen. She headed for her room; she'd bought a new book recently, and she wanted to get to reading it.

Later, she was sitting on the couch with her new book. Robin and Cyborg were playing videogames, with Starfire cheering them on.

Suddenly Beast Boy leaned into her field of vision. Holding his glove in his teeth, he pressed the back of his ungloved hand against her forehead, studying her with a slight frown.

After gaping at him for a moment, Raven tried to speak, but she choked on her own words. At last she squeezed out, "What—do you think—you're _doing_?!"

Uncharacteristically undaunted by her fury, he pressed the back of his hand against her cheek. "Raven, I think you _are_ sick. You're warm."

Raven knew that there was a different reason for the heat in her cheeks, but she was _not_ about to mention blushing to Beast Boy. "I have told you already, you little monster! I'm _fine!_" Jumping to her feet, she stomped off to her room.

Beast Boy stared after her, then shrugged and plopped down into her place. "Can I play winner?"

Raven darted into her room, shut the door, and leaned against it. Sliding down onto the floor, she drew a deep breath, held it, and released it. She bore down on her unruly emotions. She had to control herself! She absolutely couldn't, _could not_, fall further in love with Beast Boy!

But, of course, Raven's emotions were unlike any other girls'. They refused to be controlled.

//How _dare_ he even _touch_ us!\\ fumed Anger, fists clenched. //I'd like to wring his neck!\\

//Oh, but he was so cute and sweet!\\ Happy protested cheerfully. //He was all worried and stuff. It was nice!\\

//I'm scared of what it could mean,\\ Timid said shyly, drawing her gray cloak tight around her.

//You're scared of everything, Timid,\\ snapped Rude, burping.

//Thus the name,\\ Knowledge commented dryly, adjusting her glasses.

//Stop being a jerk to Timid, Rude,\\ snarled Brave, hands on hips. //If you're going to pick a fight, pick one with someone who's willing to fight back!\\

//Brave is right, Rude. Stop being so… uh… rude.\\ Kindness thought about what she'd just said for a moment, then shrugged and turned to comfort Timid.

//You protest Beast Boy's treatment, Raven, but you'd be very unhappy if he treated someone else the same way,\\ Jealousy said tartly, ignoring the bickering of the other emotions. //And I should know, so don't bother arguing.\\

//Raven, don't bother lying to yourself, because we're your emotions and _we're_ not going to lie to you,\\ Affection said, just as sharp as Jealousy. //We know how you _really_ feel because we _are_ how you really feel. You can't fool us and you're wasting time trying to fool yourself.\\

//Affection has the right of it, Raven,\\ Wisdom said gently. //Lying to yourself will not get anything done.\\

//Face the facts,\\ Knowledge agreed firmly. //You're in love with Beast Boy whether you like it or not. That's the way it is. Now, what are you going to do about it?\\

"I don't know," Raven whispered.

//Oh, come _on_,\\ Brave snapped. //Your mind is too crowded as it is. You haven't room to cultivate a new emotion like self-pity. What are you going to do?\\

//Watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do?\\ sang Happy, dancing around and around. //Watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do?\\

//Admit that you like him,\\ urged Affection. //Just admit it!\\

//Before somebody else claims him,\\ added Jealousy.

//No! You can't tell him! You can't!\\ Timid said in panic.

//Don't be a coward,\\ Brave told her brutally.

//Just kill him,\\ said Anger with a shrug. //Problem solved.\\

//Whatever you're going to do, be _nice _about it,\\ Kindness said with a cursory look at Anger.

//Everyone, hush!\\ Wisdom said sternly. //Raven must decide herself what to do.\\

"I don't know what to do," Raven whispered, covering her face with her hands. After a few seconds, she took a deep breath. "But the first thing to do is not panic."

//Very good,\\ Wisdom approved.

Raven took another deep breath. "Okay. Facts out in the open. Beast Boy thinks I'm sick. He doesn't know I like him. I don't know what to do. I suppose, to help me decide, I need to know what he'd do if I told him."

//Nothing,\\ Brave said immediately.

//Say something stupid,\\ Anger said contemptuously.

//Ignore you,\\ said Rude, picking her nose.

//He'd be HAPPY!!!\\ Happy shrieked, dancing around in circles.

//_I'd_ be happy,\\ muttered Affection.

//He'd reject us,\\ Timid said with frightened certainty.

//He'd like us back?\\ offered Kindness.

//He'd pay attention to us, at least,\\ griped Jealousy.

//Let's look at the facts,\\ Knowledge said, adjusting her glasses again. //Referring to what we know of him. He's insecure and easily embarrassed. He always tries to include Raven in anything the group is doing, even if she makes it clear she doesn't want to join. He only started telling jokes when Raven told him that he was funny, the first time they met.\\

//It almost sounds like he's trying to please you, Raven,\\ Wisdom said dryly.

Raven went very still. "Yes," she said slowly, wonderingly. "It almost does."


	3. Answer Enough

**Chapter Three: Answer Enough**

Over the next few days, Raven couldn't help but notice all the nice things that Beast Boy did for her, things like inviting her to play videogames with him, offering her the last of the tofu, and trying to convince her to play kickball with him and the others. All things that usually annoyed her, but she now noticed that he did them not out of any enjoyment in the action, but in an attempt to make her happy. She felt strangely touched.

He was still slightly worried that she was sick, but there was nothing she could do about that—nothing short of telling him the truth, and she's wasn't going to do that just yet. She wasn't sure she was going to do it at all.

"Raven, you _do_ seem kind of—mellow, today. Are you _sure_ you're not sick?" Robin wanted to know.

_Just lovesick. So, so lovesick…_

"I'm fine, Robin."

"If you're sure," Robin said, still doubtful.

//You're not,\\ Affection whispered. //You're not fine, you're not sure…\\

_Shut up, Affection._

//Yes, ma'am.\\

Beast Boy flopped onto the couch next to her with a bag of potato chips. He offered her a handful and she declined. He shrugged, saying, "Your loss!" and shoved them in his mouth.

She shivered at his close proximity. Thank goodness that the other Titans didn't see the motion. If they had, they would have insisted that she was sick no matter how much she protested, and she wouldn't be able to refute them unless she told them…

And she wouldn't tell them!

//Oh, please?\\ Affection pouted. //You don't even have to tell everyone. Just Beast Boy.\\

_Would you just shut up?!_

//Just Beast Boy, _please_?\\

_SHUT UP!_

//Okay, okay. Jeez.\\

Raven made a low growling sound in her throat and scooted as far away from Beast Boy as possible. He looked at her, confused. "What'd I do?" he demanded.

She ignored him, burying her face in her book. Beast Boy looked at Cyborg for help, but the half-robot just shrugged. There was never any telling what Raven thought.

She couldn't concentrate on her book. He was too close for comfort. With another annoyed growl, she stood, snapped her book shut, and headed to her room.

"Dude, what is the deal with her lately?" Beast Boy asked, piqued. "If she's sick, why won't she tell us? If she's not, why is she acting so weird?"

"BB, Raven has her own reasons for everything she does, and nobody else ever understands 'em," Cyborg informed him.

"Yeah," Beast Boy said, still staring after Raven. "Yeah, I guess so."

………

Raven curled up on her bed and closed her eyes, resting her head on her arm. She felt tired and a little bit woozy. _Is this love?_ she wondered. _I didn't think it would be quite so unpleasant._

//This is what happens when you _fight_ love,\\ Wisdom said gently.

//Yeah, what she said,\\ Affection snapped.

Raven heard her door opening. She was about to sit up in annoyance when she heard Beast Boy say softly, "Raven?"

Oh, no. She pulled the covers over herself. Maybe he would think she was sleeping and go away.

"Rae, look, if I offended you or something, I'm sorry," Beast Boy continued, moving into the room. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything…" He saw her in bed. "Oh."

She held her breath as he walked across to her and sat on the bed beside her. He placed a gentle hand on her arm. "Rae?" he asked softly. "Are you still awake, or am I talking to myself?"

She stayed silent.

"Okay, then. Since you're asleep, I guess you won't mind when I do this…"

He hesitated, and she waited. Then he kissed her shyly on the cheek. "Goodnight, Raven," he whispered right next to her ear.

Then he left.

………

Later that night, as Raven lay awake, she made up her mind about what she wanted to do. What she must do.

Of course, her plan wouldn't work if Beast Boy had gone to bed. He often stayed up late doing something or other, so this shouldn't be a problem.

And it wasn't. Probing, she sensed Beast Boy on the roof and everyone else in their own rooms. Perfect. She left her room and headed up to the top of the Tower.

"Beast Boy?" she whispered.

She saw him sitting on the edge of the roof, staring out over the dark sea. Creeping up behind him, she whispered again, "Beast Boy?"

"Huh?" He turned and found her lips pressed against his. She reached up and cupped his face softly.

When she withdrew, his eyes were the size of saucers. She dropped her hands, but did not move her eyes from his.

"I've loved you for a long time, Beast Boy," she said. "But until recently I've tried to deny it, and until just now I had decided to fight against it. But then you kissed me, and I knew you loved me too." She lowered her eyes to her lap. "I know I was never very nice to you, Beast Boy. But now I'm asking you… can we start over?"

For a moment, she didn't think he would answer. Then he touched one finger under her chin and lifted her face, then kissed her softly.

That was answer enough for her.


End file.
